SIX Years

Six years feels a little surreal. I vividly remember that day sitting in my neurologists office and him telling me what I had already been thinking for weeks. 

“Without a shadow of a doubt you have MS. Unfortunately it’s quite progressed and very aggressive.” 

The thoughts that I had came racing back, the same ones over and over. 

“Whatever/however you shouter your life was going to be is over.” 

“You will not be the person you thought you were going to be.” 

And boy was I right. Not in the ways I thought though. But in ways I hadn’t even thought about. 

There are a bunch of things in my life that at moments feel quite sad that I feel I haven’t accomplished; marriage, living independently of my parents, having this perfect, happy unbelievable life etc. 

But honestly, that’s OKAY! 

Because what I have accomplished in these six years that I NEVER thought I would be able to do, even before MS is awesome! 

Sure my life isn’t this cookie cutter picture of what I thought it would be. But I’m doing well. 

My health is....adequate— much better than what I know it could be if I didn’t get to be apart of a drug trial. Which has slowed the disease progression dramatically. 

My job...awesome— I love the challenges and opportunities my work has. Working as an ER nurse is great. Keeps my brain sharp holds me accountable to new learning all the time. And constantly challenging me. 

My family...— Living at home again as given me a different perspective on their lives and how I can learn to be a better daughter and family member. 

Overall. I’m doing well, I get out of bed most mornings feeling like I can actually be the person I dreamed of being. Some days I barely get out of bed and deeply wish this disease was never apart of my life— but that’s another story. 

Six years, lots has changed, lots is not what I imagined. But maybe that’s a good thing, maybe it’s helped open my eyes to many things I wouldn’t  have done otherwise. It challenges me, it helps me be more compassionate and empathetic with patients at work. Gives me a new perspective on little things in life; like getting up and not feeling exhausted for the first 30mins of the day. 

So, yes I would still never wish this disease on anyone. But maybe, just maybe there can be something good that’s come from all of it. All I can do is take life one day at a time. The good days and the bad. 

Here’s to SIX years.