Fort Nelson: "I don't like it..."

I love it. I so far have loved my time up in Fort Nelson so far. 

Some of you may be wondering why. Even people here have wondered why I came up here in the first place and that I am ok with staying! 

But I have made friends, explored, gone fishing, made lots of four legged friends, worked, picked up shifts, hung out by the river, in the river, more fishing. Today has been the first day in last month since i've been here where I have thought to myself, "Hmm, what should I do today?" It was raining, which made it harder to think of things to do. So I crashed at my friends house and showed them their newborn pictures I took the other day. Stole some of their internet because my house doesn't have any yet. Watched the Calgary Stampede, played with their dog. Went for a run, made dinner for me and my roommate. 

SO what have I been doing? Well, work has taken up at least a few days a week. It can be a crazy busy hospital which can be a little tiring. Always with the interesting cases that come through the ER, loss of fingers, arterial bleeds, "infected" bug bites (oh goodness), motorbike crashes, and so much more. 

Before I moved up here, since I was little I have always wanted two things in life if and when I moved to a northern community: learn how to dog sled and own a pair of moccasins, real ones. So I decided to do something about it, since I have officially moved to a northern community. First, moccasins will be purchased one day in the future, when I feel like i have money to do so. Second, there is a world class dog sledder in town named Buddy Streeper. If you know dog sledding, you will know this name. He has won multiple world class races and travels all over northern Canada and throughout the states during the winter. 

 So about two weeks ago I decided to send him an email telling him that I was new to town, an RN and have always wanted to learn how to dog sled. So I asked if I could volunteer in exchange to learn how to dog sled. He replied quickly and said he was very interested. So I decided to drop by his kennels and introduce myself. So I showed up and he toured me around the grounds and showed me hte male and female kennels, the puppy kennels and told me that most of the jobs have been taken care of there. However the one job that wasn't really taken care of was someone to play with the puppies. Puppies need lots of socializing when they are little to human contact. So he said that I could come by anytime for as long as I wanted to play and socialize with the puppies. It is seriously as awesome as it sounds. There are probably at least 25-30 puppies that need love and attention. 

So between work, hanging out at home, going on adventures either alone or with my friends and their dogs and playing with puppies I am doing alright. So far I have really enjoyed being up here! 

When you're sure its the END of the WORLD!

You know when you have those days that nothing seems to be going right? 

I had one of those the other day and then for about 5 days afterwards. 

"You are greater than the problems you face."

So since graduation from university I have been studying for this very big exam, packing, moving all of my earthly belongings to Abbotsford, re packing it all to move to Fort Nelson, getting steroids at UBC, writing my exam, travelling to Vancouver to the airport.Packing up my car to take all the way to Fort Nelson. Over a course of 2 days. 

In short things don't sound so bad... so let me fill in the missing pieces. 

As a side note, I'm not usually one to pity myself (or at least do it seriously). But honestly sometimes life sucks. It's not all daisies and rainbows. It's storm clouds, rough seas and falling overboard. And it's not fun. And no amount of me cracking jokes about it is going to help. So... (If you keep reading and stay tuned for my next post, it gets better) 

1. NCLEX: (the very big exam).

 I failed. I did not the email saying "Congratulations, you were successful on your RN exam. Hooray!... blah.blah.blah." 

Nope. 

I got the "We are sorry to inform you you were unsuccessful... blah.blah.blah" email.

I'm going to be completely honest with you here... getting news like that (at 9:15am) makes you feel like it is the end of the world! Like in that very moment you could not get any worse news. EVER! I tried to hold myself together as I called my friend and told him how I did and that he should check to see how he did. As soon as I hung up the phone. I took a shower. Curled up into a ball and sobbed. I hadn't cried that hard or that much since December 2012. I felt like it was the END OF THE WORLD! I was so mad. So frustrated. So ticked off at me, at my MS, at my university for the lack of preparedness. I was (fill in all of the negative emotions you can think of here) << that. So I cried. I sobbed. I wished it was just a bad dream. I cried some more. I cried so hard that I started choking and couldn't breathe. (Which paints a funny picture now. But wasn't so funny at the time) I had a great, huge pity part for myself. And then told myself that at 10:00 I was going to stop this crying, stop feeling sorry for myself, wise up and go on with your day. So at 10:00 I **insert snapping fingers here** out of it and went on with my day. It also helped at that point my buddy called me back to inform me that they failed as well. Which made my day instantly 100% better. Which kinda sounds terrible. But it was kinda nice to know I wasn't the only one sailing this disaster of a boat alone.

      

"You are greater than the problems you face.“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” –Friedrich Nietzsche

2. Getting Steroids

Really not fun as a whole. Make me feel pretty gross for about a week afterward. 

3. Travelling to the airport in Vancouver

Super excited to pick up my friend from Northern Ireland, however getting lost after that was not so fun and slightly annoying. But hey, I had sweet company. 

4. Packing up my car at 5:30am

When someone tell you that you need to figure out at better system because what you have outside of your car isn't going to fit inside. Is really annoying. Regardless of them being right. It is just not an enjoyable moment to instantly unpack what you have packed and remove all of your winter gear that you can pick up another time when I am down south. Great. And not fun. 

5. Over the course of those previous 2 events. 

 I started to get a strange pain in the back of my mouth along my gum line. At first hoping that its just a bad canker sore. and not my wisdom teeth coming in. Because I, do not have time to get wisdom teeth pulled. SO I booked an appointment with my dentist the morning of me wanting to leave to Fort Nelson in PG. 

I did go to the dentist. And they told me I had an infection. 

It could be fixed with antibiotics. And for the excruciating amount of pain that I was experiencing they would give me T3's. 

6. Went to fill my prescription

Every pharmacy in PG was having troubles accessing their pharmanet system. So I had to leave PG with not pain meds or antibiotics. 

Arrived in Fort St. John. It was still down. So I had to wait until the next morning. 

Lets just say at this point. When I rolled into Fort Nelson it had been a really LONG 4 days. 

Most of which I was in pain.

Stay tuned for Part 2..
It gets better I promise--

and I will tell you more about Fort Nelson!

“Sometimes crying or laughing are the only options left, and laughing feels better right now.” –Veronica Roth

1000 Days and Counting

One thousand days sounds like a really long time. It sounds much longer than 2 and a half years. But it's true. I was officially diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis on September 5, 2012. 

So much in life has changed since that day, I have learned so much about myself, my friends, my family. There is part of me that wishes I could say I haven't changed since that year. When I lived carefree. Didn't have to think about how one evenings decision could affect my life 3 days from now. I wish I didn't struggle to stay awake past 7pm on a regular basis. I wish I didn't feel like the flakier friend on the planet when it comes to making plans with me that don't coincide with my energy levels. 

I wish I could say that my life hasn't changed much since then, but it has. Inside and out. I've become so much more aware of my decisions in life, who I choose to spend time with, what I do for fun, work or relaxation. 

This week I've been at UBC hospital for the past 3 days getting an unroutine dose of steroids. They are not as glamorous as they seem. But they tend to do the trick when it comes to giving me back some energy. I would say major days I function at about 60%. But with them I come up to about 90% normal energy level. 

I also have a HUGE test next week that I am mildly freaking out about. This is one of the most important tests I will ever write. So I would love your help, and prayer. I have failed my fair share of tests in the past. And not that failing this one would be the end of the world. But I would really not like to cross that bridge. So... I write my exam June 10.

1. Energy

2. Focus to study the last bit of material for my exam 

3 CONFIDENCE 

4. Good sleep before the test 

5. I would be able to read and understand the questions to the best of my ability 

Thank you for taking the time to read and pray for me as I come closer to writing this exam! 

Kate 

Hoping I don't have this moment! :) 

Adventure is Out There!

Adventures to be had, moments to remember and life to be lived.

It is official. I walked across the stage this weekend, twice actually. Once for convocation and second for a special nursing graduation. Yes. Graduated. Finished and moving on. Moving! 

Heres a recap of my year based on the most common questions I have been asked in the past few weeks. 

Question 1. How has your year been? 

Answer 1: My year started out good, I was very excited to be doing my focus in a small town called Fort St. James. It turned out to be much more of a challenge, personally and nursing w
To be honest, looking back on this year, and whole program actually... I am still shocked that I walked across that stage, they called my name and I was handed my diploma. The thought, (maybe because its early in the morning) almost brings tears to my eyes. There were a few, but clear moments in the past few years turning to some of my friends or family stating that if I didn't pass "this" course that I wouldn't carry on. I would find something else to do as a career. But those moments never came to pass. I somehow seemed to pass those courses by a little bit, I kept moving on and made it to today.  But that story is for another time! The year, overall was fairly stressful, with a longer than normal reading break to having two weeks of classes cancelled due to strikes at my university. However all in all, it is nice to be done.

Question 2: How is your health? 
Answer 2: No offence, but this question does make laugh a little every time someone asks. Mostly because it starts with the person looking directly at me, turning their head around to see who else may be close, and then looking back at me again and almost in a whispered tone.. "Kate, how has your  health been these days?"

--Pause--
I do realize that it is a difficult question to ask, but I also don't mind the "Kate, your MS, hows it been lately?" or even just mentioning MS. I don't mind talking about it... Sorry, I've digressed.
--UnPause--

My health, my MS, my issues with my nerves. It has been ok, fatigue is a constant, daily battle and it something I so dearly wish would not be an issue in my life! However, that is not going to change, so I take it day by day, actually lately its been more like hour by hour. But I am thankful for the hours that I don't want to crawl into a ball and be gone to the world. :)

Most popular question of the last few weeks:

Question 3: What are you doing now that you've graduated? 
Answer 3: This one puts a smile on my face. I am moving. It has been a crazy process in deciding where I am going or what I am doing. However it has been decided and I start work on June 15.

I am moving to Fort Nelson. Yes, its north, yes approx. 9.5hours north, of Prince George. And yes I have been there, once. But I only really remember the school gym.

I am excited and ready for an adventure and to work with a great staff at the hospital and learn crazy new things for nursing. So here we go...

"Adventure is out there!"

...and let's go find it!

Day 863: Infusion No. 2

As I have talked about in other blog posts. But if you are new to my blog or forgot. I have been apart of a clinical drug trial for 2 and a half years. For the first two years I was apart of a double blind-double dummy type of trial, which in short means that no one actually knows which drug I was on. We all had a sneaky suspicion that I wasn't on the study drug. But the plus was that I was taking one of the two drugs. After my two years I was switched over the the actual study drug. Which had great "reviews" from my neurologist as well as other patients u had met while apart of the trial. 

After two years I got my first dose. It was split into half and given to me two weeks apart. 

When I was a few weeks into this new drug people would ask if I noticed a difference. 

But at that point I honestly hadn't. I was still really fatigued. However to me that was life. I then went to my parents at Christmas. And it was then that people would tell me I looked really chipper or that I had a "sparkle" in my eye. Still I just said that I was getting good at not always putting on my "not" tired face. 

However when I went back to university in January I noticed that I was able to study past 2pm was has never happened since my diagnosis, I didn't seem quite as foggy, I didn't have pain in my hands.  

It wasn't until I hit the 5 month mark of being on the new drug that I noticed the drug did something for me. At the beginning of February I was hit with a greater amount of fatigue than I had since my first infusion. It was amazing how I didn't even notice how good I felt until my brain would shut down at 11am. I could not figure it out for a few weeks. Until I remembered other patients stating that they felt the drug starting to wear off at 5 months. 

So today I was back in Vancouver getting my second dose. Which was a full dose that took about 5 hours to infuse. 

It's always a really long day when I go down to Vancouver. I often go the day before and stay the night on UBC campus. I usually try to connect with my cousin for a friend or two while I'm down there which makes the trip so much better and not as lonely. Sometimes my parents come too. 

One of my favourite parts is flying home from Vancouver. Especially on a night where the sunset is gorgeous. Tonight was one of those days. Flying over the snow covered mountains. Pictures just don't give them justice. But it makes me smile and feel like I'm 10 and flying for the first time, nose pressed to the window watching in awe. 

But, this is me and my day in a nut shell. Started early, ended late, and I'm ready to crash in my own bed.

                                            

       _________________________________

For those of you who ask or are curious about my nursing, I am officially done this semester I have two more (ish) weeks of classes and then 4 weeks of placement. I am getting more nervous the closer I get to having to write my big exam. It's one that I would love to write only once.  

If you are willing I would love prayer as I get closer and start studying for it. 

1. For focus and the ability for my memory to retain the information I have studied. 

2. For continued energy to finish my courses well and to the best of my ability 

3. That this drug would continue to be the answer for my MS. [since being diagnosed I haven't had any huge relapses. This is a big deal when I look at the amount of relapses I had before I was even diagnosed] 

Thanks again for reading and praying for me. 

Send me an email or comment if you ever have questions or are looking for more information. I would love to chat. :) 

Kate 

I choked back the tears....

Wow, it has been too long. I have been meaning to write a post for a while now, but have just been too busy. Or lazy. Or tired. Or all of the above.
But today I have some exciting news today. But first I will fill you in on my life--

Well, I am in my last semester of nursing. But here are a few questions that I get from people these days:

Popular Question 1: "Are you excited about almost being done?"
Answer: "Actually its more terrifying that exciting. All within the next 6 months I first have to finish all of my courses, but not only finish my courses, but pass them. Then I have to graduate, walk across the stage. In between all of that I have to apply for my big final exam called hte NCLEX.

Popular Question 2: "What are you going to after you graduate?"
Answer: "Well isn't that a great question, I wish I knew...I have no idea." (If you ask me this question I will make up some answer of what I might like to do, in an ideal world of no MS and full knowledge that I will pass my big exam)

Popular Question 3: "Where are you planning on living? In Prince George?"
Answer: Again, in an ideal world. I would find someone to travel to obscure place in Canada for a year and just have an adventure. Like Nunavut, Yukon, far corner of BC. Gimme something, somewhere and preferably someone and I'm there! But again, not an idea world. I don't know. Preferably NOT Prince George. But who knows. Not I

Well... Like I said earlier. I have news. Great news. 
Today I ran around, completely out of breath, I got sweaty, kept running around, got more sweaty and then I lost my vision. But that all happened while I played a game of soccer, indoors, on a team!!

I played an organized game of soccer and it was awesome! 

I loved every minute of it. Granted I couldn't see during every minute of it. But I loved it. Three years ago, almost to the week I developed my first symptom of MS and soon after I started to loose my vision. But today was so fun, it has been the first time I've played on a team since my MS diagnosis.

This might not be big news for you, but for me this is huge! I sat down on the bench when my vision was at like 50% and did my best to not burst into tears. Tears of happiness.

So today I had a glimpse of what I forgot I loved. Sports. And being able to play them. It was frustrating when I couldn't see the ball or my teammates. But I played. For short bursts of time.
But I played. And that is the exciting news.

              This is my team: Code Orange Avengers. We are all nursing students. Its a blast! 

Update: What have I been doing?

Well hello. I am sorry for those who read my last post and I said I would post part 2. I did write some of it. But then got busy and forgot. 

But I did want to give a bit of an update. Right now I am sitting in Fort St. James, BC watching the beautiful sunset. For the past 2 weeks I have been working at the 'hospital' here. It has been such a good opportunity to see many different things already. From heart attacks to a baby being born. Kind of cool. Super hard. But overall alright. 

For those who have been keeping tabs, I also started that new drug a few weeks ago. Many people keep asking me how its going and if I've noticed a difference. Unfortunately I can't say I have. No changes in my fatigue (which would be amazing if it affected it), numbness, vision problems or anything really. Sorry to say. I wish I had better news to report. But hey, maybe it will take more time to kick in, I don't really know. But I'll keep you updated. 

Hmm... what else have I been up to? 

Well, photography has kept me a little busy. Engagement shoots, driving to Fort shoots, and more. 

Ever wondered what would happen if you lit steel wool on fire? 

And then spun it around like a crazy person with a long exposure? Well this is what happens. 

Sunrise on my way home from FSJ

Sunrise and Fog. Could it get better? Nope!

My sunset tonight. 

These two. Second engagement session this wall. Their wedding in the spring! I'm excited.

My favourite place. Cottonwood. These two made it better! 

Well off to my third set tomorrow. Hit up ---------->>>>>>>>> (over there) for some prayer requests.

Thanks!

Kate

Here's to a New Chapter...

747 days ago I was sitting in the same hospital with my parents, not sure if I had a choice to cry, laugh, or just sit there in disbelief. As the words came out of his mouth, my suspicions were confirmed, "You, without a shadow of a doubt have Multiple Sclerosis."

Looking at him with his funny glasses, after all these silly tests and questions he had asked me for what felt like the dozen-th time I felt a sense of peace. A sense of clarity washed over me. No more weird unexplained symptoms. I had the answer. I had multiple sclerosis.

Without a doubt.

I don't remember every moment of that day, but I remember most of the time after I walked into the hospital. I remember trying to figure out where the MS clinic was and navigating a strange hospital. I remember sitting in the waiting room watching the many different people walk in and out of the hallway, some with their canes because MS had affected their eyes to the point where they couldn't see. Or their loved ones wheeled them down the hallway because MS had affected their ability to walk.

At that point I still felt like I didn't have a hope to live a what I would call a "normal life".

But then the doctor came back into the room and to tell me there was hope. His face lit up as he said, "This drug is going to knock the socks off MS."

As he handed me a stack of papers, he tole me and my parents we should read through them, and if I said yes to being a part of his clinical trial, he would put me to the top of his list and I would start by the end of the month.

I remember leaving that room and the nurse asked, "So, what did he say?" I replied naively, "He said he would put me to the top of the wait list and I would start the trial by the end of the month."
She looked at me in shock and said, "Okay."

At that point I didn't know that the wait list was at least a year and even then, it was unlikely to get to be apart of the study.

What else I didn't know was how my life would change in two years...

I didn't know how much MS would affect my life.
I didn't know how hard it would be to live with MS. 

I didn't know how much love and support I would receive from my friends and family.
I didn't know how much I would learn and grow.
I didn't know that in two years I would say, "You know, I wouldn't  give back what I've learned, how much I've grown, or the challenges I've faced for the 'normal life' that I thought I'd lost"

Today it's back to the UbC hospital for my first "knock the socks" off MS drug infusion. It's still going to be a while before I feel the effects of the drug and will potentially start to feel "normal" ...or at least what I remember to be 'normal'.

I am excited. But also prepared that there is a slim chance it won't do anything for me at all. I'm ok with that too, and ready to take on this next stage of life.

So thanks guys for keeping me in your prayers, thoughts and lives.

I will continue to keep you updated.

(Stay tuned for Pt. 2 in two weeks when I come back down for my second half of my first dose!)

--Kate

TWO Years and Counting...

It's official. I have had MS for the past 2 years, as of September 5, 2012.

To some it has flown by. For myself? I can't say I agree.
It has been a long two years and so much has changed. I have changed so much. Learned more about myself that I ever may have wanted to and or thought I could.
Looking back it's been good, summers have been great and a sweet way to break up the year. The people I have met, especially this summer, and old friends I have gotten to know better has been really sweet and encouraging. They are relationships I would like to continue on with for sure!

Well... what is new with me? 
Yesterday I had my last first day of classes ever! That is definitely exciting.
I am doing my placement this semester in Fort St. James in Northern BC. I am really excited to get out of PG for a bit and experience a new hospital.

Things I have learned in the past TWO years:

1.  I have learned perseverance by finishing 3 years of nursing, especially with many points where I did not think I'd make it through.  

2.  I have learned independence by moving out officially on my own! (with friends.) 

3.  I have experienced much more of the world, travelling to London twice as well as Northern Ireland. 

5.  I have felt valued while working as the photographer/videographer for Echo Lake Bible Camp.

6.  I have  battled MS on a daily basis and so far have come out on top. 

7.  I have practiced counting it all joy when faced with trails of many kinds. 

8.  I have done my best to remind my self that I have to live life one day at a time and live it to the full. For me this means doing things like learning to Fox Trot, throwing around a baseball with friends until I cannot see the ball anymore, exploring train tracks, playing on bridges in the fog, sharing hidden secrets of Prince George with friends, and going for runs at 9:30 at night with my roommate.

9.  I have learned to not take life so seriously and to laugh always.

10. I have learned that crying and feeling sorry for myself is a waste of energy that is better spent being productive, sleeping, exercising etc.

And what is coming down the pipe for me? 

Well, on September 22 I head back down to Vancouver for my third trip this month and to START THE GOOD DRUG!!! I don't know if you understand how excited I am about this - I have heard some amazing things about this drug and my neurologist talks so highly of it. I have a friend who started back in April and she told me the other day how she worked 8 hours, worked out, did yoga, made dinner and at home in the evening and wasn't even tired. Things like that make me cry when I think about it.

However, as excited as I am about this new drug I also am not putting ALL of my hope in it, as there is a chance it might not help. All I can do is wait and see, right?

As I have said to some people before, looking back I am so happy to see how far I have come. I am not saying its been easy, but I will say I've had good days and bad days. I do my best to make the good days out-weigh the bad ones, but sometimes I need to take a break and reflect on the good/great things in my life.

I am so thankful for the things God has taught me over the past while, depending on Him, living life the way He wants me to, and counting it all joy. I am unbelievably thankful for those around me who have supported me in my journey with MS. Having people trust in me helps me remember that I can do succeed in life and that I don't have to be run by MS.

So thank you, for continuing to read my blog, pray for me, think of me, support me as I continue to navigate these foreign waters.

Love, Kate

HIGHLIGHTS OF 2012-2014

 

 Leaving for London the first time!

I love these two! Always up for the bant

         ....when you have moments like this.            Steroids...not always my favourite.

If I could live in mud I would. 

 This is what made some early mornings this past year worth it

Sista Time! Waiting on the parents...

Spent a weekend this summer at the base of Mt. Robson. 

I LOVE adventures... this one was a highlight of the summer. 

I know its good when I get this reaction from Tim.

3 inches away from highway traffic flying above our heads

 Mt. Robson- Kinney Lake

Glaciers are always a neat thing to explore. 

Northern Ireland Adventures

Heel clicks--always a classic. 

I was constantly blown away by the scenery in NI. This place was one of my favourites. 

Queens University, Belfast, Northern Ireland. 

Worked on star trails this summer. 

Double Barrel 20G shotgun. I actually hit my target... in thet air!

 Friends, lakes, rivers, creeks, forests, inukshuks, hanging out on the beach...

 I wouldn't give back these moments for anything! 

Sometimes I just like being 10. With a bear towel! 

The last night of camp this summer: took advantage of a clear, cold (-2), frosty-sleeping-bag kind of night.
The view in the morning was incredible, as you can see. 

Highlights of 2012-2014