Wasn't until today that I read an article and it summed up a lot of my emotions over the past few months.
It also reminds me of another article that a friend showed me a year ago or so.
Here are the both of them if you want to peruse...
Expectations can rob us of living and enjoying in the current moment.
We are all guilty of it, from the simplest of wishing for life to change and dreaming of what you are going to do to get there, to setting realistic or even unrealistic goals in your life. Don't get me wrong I really think goals are important. But I've found over the past few years I've dreamed up this life I imagined I would have by the age of 25. And believe me. I am far far from what I thought I would have right now, or who I would be by now.
Maybe I'll break it down further. So in grade 12 I thought I was a pretty big hotshot, I really did. I honestly didn't have much to worry about, I thought I was a great athlete, got good grades in school, had an awesome group of friends, "by far the hottest boyfriend in school" and ready to get on with life.
15 months after graduation I got slapped in the face with reality, at the time I didn't really think life really would change or could change into something I hadn't been dreaming of for the past 5 years.
You know... by the time I turned 25 I fully expected to be celebrating at least my 2nd or 3rd wedding anniversary, we would've honeymooned across Europe for 9 weeks just like my parents did. I would've had an amazing career, maybe thinking about kids in the next few years, owned a house or at least getting ready to, had a really great group of friends (who actually lived in the same town as me). Maybe getting ready to go overseas and work in an orphanage or an organization that gave medical care to those in need.
Like I said before dreams and goals are good, but they aren't my reality.
As my brother as said in a few words,
"Duh, your 25, single and living in your parents basement!"
Not exactly where I expected my life to be at 25. I would also add to this sob story, a chronic illness.
This is my reality.
I will tell you I am doing well an am grateful for what I do have. I just have come to the realization of my frustration is because of my previous expectations I had for my life what I was 15. Why my 15 year old expectations for my life have any power over me is beyond me. But it does.
So what is to be done about it?
Some people have said counselling, not so much about the fact I'm not an all star basketball player anymore, but likely because of how much has hanged in my life over he past 5 years. Maybe I will cross that bridge sometime in the future. (It probably is healthy to talk about feelings as opposed to covering them up in a morbid sense of humour)
The flip side of all this is just don't have expectations for yourself in life, which in a sense agrees with me. Aren't we all so good at building something up in my mind that when it happens it will never be as good as I anticipated. In the end it leaves me disappointed or upset that it "wasn't as good as I imagined".
But I believe there is some truth in that statement. I really can't keep trying to live up the expectations my 15 year old self had, duh. Besides I've already passed all my expected deadlines anyways.
So it leaves me in a space where I question why I have put so much weight on what or where I thought I would be at 25. I honestly haven't figured out an answer for that.
From the articles that I posted earlier I do have a few ideas that the authors have suggested....
1. Let your OBSERVATION take precedence over your EXPECTATION.
2. Alter your reality or alter your expectations
3. "Tired of being frustrated? Then set aside your unmet expectations and face reality head on."
4. Stay ambitious. Don't give up on goals, hopes and dreams.
5. "Ignore everyone else." I spend time thinking about what other people have, what they are doing, how much better their lives are because they seem so accomplished and put together and I don't. Is the grass really greener?
