I love that we live in a world with mountains. One of my favourite flights lately has been flying from Fort Nelson to Vancouver. Being able to see the northern Rockies for the majority of the flight. Here are my thoughts from this trip!I haven't ever been much of a hiker. But I LOVE the idea. I love exploring. But I hate not being able to breathe. I have all of these intentions of going for more hikes and to get better at it. But so far that hasn't happened. So for now I will admire mountains from the base or flying over them.
One thing I love about them is how it puts you in your place. When standing at the base of a mounting. Mt. Robson for instance. Standing at the sign on your way to Jasper. Feeling so small, insignificant and and sense of placement. How you and I are just a blip, a piece of history that will be forgotten. But these mountains stay. Their appearance might change over seasons or years. But they will forever be there in the same place for the rest of history. It's not so much a depressing thought for me as it is a realization that life is precious and that we aren't here for a very long time and I need to make the most of it.
Then, I fly over mountain ranges. See the snow covered peaks with thoughts of invincibly running through my mind. About how amazing it would be to summit them. Seeing them from 27,000 feet makes it seem like it would be a piece of cake.
I love the where the mountains take me in my mind. Two opposite emotions; insignificant and invincible.
Both of which are incorrect. Lessons I have been constantly learning and struggling with on a daily basis recently.
I am not insignificant. I am valuable. I have a place in this particular blip of time. I, most days especially at work feel overwhelmed, exhausted and like a nuisance with constant questions to anyone who might know the answer. Not only with work but my own personal views of myself and how I feel about my MS, my body, my brain. Constantly fighting with myself about who I am and where I belong
At times I almost feel invincible. Like I could do anything I wanted. I then feel like I am quickly reminded that I am not.Death. Death quickly makes me realize, firstly how we are not invincible. Secondly how valuable life is. How quickly a life can be taken from someone.
I am slowly realizing that I need to find a happy medium between these two points or
emotions in my life. I am brought to the reality quite easily when I realize I'm not invincible.But it takes a while to remind myself of the truths that I am not insignificant. That I have a place. That I matter. That my own self worth isn't and should never be based on what someone thinks of me. Learning to gain the confidence and self awareness to give myself a little more credit.
And know that no matter what happens life just keeps going (flowing) so you might as well enjoy it!
