When you're sure its the END of the WORLD!

You know when you have those days that nothing seems to be going right? 

I had one of those the other day and then for about 5 days afterwards. 

"You are greater than the problems you face."

So since graduation from university I have been studying for this very big exam, packing, moving all of my earthly belongings to Abbotsford, re packing it all to move to Fort Nelson, getting steroids at UBC, writing my exam, travelling to Vancouver to the airport.Packing up my car to take all the way to Fort Nelson. Over a course of 2 days. 

In short things don't sound so bad... so let me fill in the missing pieces. 

As a side note, I'm not usually one to pity myself (or at least do it seriously). But honestly sometimes life sucks. It's not all daisies and rainbows. It's storm clouds, rough seas and falling overboard. And it's not fun. And no amount of me cracking jokes about it is going to help. So... (If you keep reading and stay tuned for my next post, it gets better) 

1. NCLEX: (the very big exam).

 I failed. I did not the email saying "Congratulations, you were successful on your RN exam. Hooray!... blah.blah.blah." 

Nope. 

I got the "We are sorry to inform you you were unsuccessful... blah.blah.blah" email.

I'm going to be completely honest with you here... getting news like that (at 9:15am) makes you feel like it is the end of the world! Like in that very moment you could not get any worse news. EVER! I tried to hold myself together as I called my friend and told him how I did and that he should check to see how he did. As soon as I hung up the phone. I took a shower. Curled up into a ball and sobbed. I hadn't cried that hard or that much since December 2012. I felt like it was the END OF THE WORLD! I was so mad. So frustrated. So ticked off at me, at my MS, at my university for the lack of preparedness. I was (fill in all of the negative emotions you can think of here) << that. So I cried. I sobbed. I wished it was just a bad dream. I cried some more. I cried so hard that I started choking and couldn't breathe. (Which paints a funny picture now. But wasn't so funny at the time) I had a great, huge pity part for myself. And then told myself that at 10:00 I was going to stop this crying, stop feeling sorry for myself, wise up and go on with your day. So at 10:00 I **insert snapping fingers here** out of it and went on with my day. It also helped at that point my buddy called me back to inform me that they failed as well. Which made my day instantly 100% better. Which kinda sounds terrible. But it was kinda nice to know I wasn't the only one sailing this disaster of a boat alone.

      

"You are greater than the problems you face.“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” –Friedrich Nietzsche

2. Getting Steroids

Really not fun as a whole. Make me feel pretty gross for about a week afterward. 

3. Travelling to the airport in Vancouver

Super excited to pick up my friend from Northern Ireland, however getting lost after that was not so fun and slightly annoying. But hey, I had sweet company. 

4. Packing up my car at 5:30am

When someone tell you that you need to figure out at better system because what you have outside of your car isn't going to fit inside. Is really annoying. Regardless of them being right. It is just not an enjoyable moment to instantly unpack what you have packed and remove all of your winter gear that you can pick up another time when I am down south. Great. And not fun. 

5. Over the course of those previous 2 events. 

 I started to get a strange pain in the back of my mouth along my gum line. At first hoping that its just a bad canker sore. and not my wisdom teeth coming in. Because I, do not have time to get wisdom teeth pulled. SO I booked an appointment with my dentist the morning of me wanting to leave to Fort Nelson in PG. 

I did go to the dentist. And they told me I had an infection. 

It could be fixed with antibiotics. And for the excruciating amount of pain that I was experiencing they would give me T3's. 

6. Went to fill my prescription

Every pharmacy in PG was having troubles accessing their pharmanet system. So I had to leave PG with not pain meds or antibiotics. 

Arrived in Fort St. John. It was still down. So I had to wait until the next morning. 

Lets just say at this point. When I rolled into Fort Nelson it had been a really LONG 4 days. 

Most of which I was in pain.

Stay tuned for Part 2..
It gets better I promise--

and I will tell you more about Fort Nelson!

“Sometimes crying or laughing are the only options left, and laughing feels better right now.” –Veronica Roth

1000 Days and Counting

One thousand days sounds like a really long time. It sounds much longer than 2 and a half years. But it's true. I was officially diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis on September 5, 2012. 

So much in life has changed since that day, I have learned so much about myself, my friends, my family. There is part of me that wishes I could say I haven't changed since that year. When I lived carefree. Didn't have to think about how one evenings decision could affect my life 3 days from now. I wish I didn't struggle to stay awake past 7pm on a regular basis. I wish I didn't feel like the flakier friend on the planet when it comes to making plans with me that don't coincide with my energy levels. 

I wish I could say that my life hasn't changed much since then, but it has. Inside and out. I've become so much more aware of my decisions in life, who I choose to spend time with, what I do for fun, work or relaxation. 

This week I've been at UBC hospital for the past 3 days getting an unroutine dose of steroids. They are not as glamorous as they seem. But they tend to do the trick when it comes to giving me back some energy. I would say major days I function at about 60%. But with them I come up to about 90% normal energy level. 

I also have a HUGE test next week that I am mildly freaking out about. This is one of the most important tests I will ever write. So I would love your help, and prayer. I have failed my fair share of tests in the past. And not that failing this one would be the end of the world. But I would really not like to cross that bridge. So... I write my exam June 10.

1. Energy

2. Focus to study the last bit of material for my exam 

3 CONFIDENCE 

4. Good sleep before the test 

5. I would be able to read and understand the questions to the best of my ability 

Thank you for taking the time to read and pray for me as I come closer to writing this exam! 

Kate 

Hoping I don't have this moment! :)