Monday 2 January 2017

"Does it still affect your life?"

He asked me, "Do you find MS still affects your life?"

I was probably too quick to answer, however my answer was "Yes, every waking moment of my day is affected by MS."

I have to plan my life around it. From what time I'm going to bed, to what I should eat to when I should drive somewhere or go out with friends, what it's going to be like in 5 years from now, the list goes on.

I truly wish it was one of those diseases that had an end date. I would love it if someone came to me and said,
 "Kate, it will be a long 5 years, (heck even 10 years) but after that period of time with treatment your disease has a 90% of recovery."
Give me a timeline and that would give me hope for my future. An end date, so I knew that I would go through all these hard times, but only for a short period. And then it would be done, all done, finished, for good.

Then again when I sit here exhausted writing this and it's only 2pm I know there IS and end date. And I also know that that end date is THE end date ,for my life. I honestly don't write this with sadness, but truth. (And frustration)

I know that no matter how terrible or how awful I feel, how much I wish my life wasn't a constant battle with fatigue.
But then again...
I still woke up today.  I had to drag myself out of bed. But I woke up
I walked all day at work. Even when my brain was done. But I could do it well.
I looked after those who appeared to be sicker than me. And was capable of doing so. Even tho I know I'm sick also.
I drove home. Knowing that I just had 5 more mins and then I could rest at home. But I was capable of doing so.

So yes, to answer the first question. MS affects my daily life. But I do my best to fight, to live each day the best that I can. To make those around me laugh, to make them feel like I am doing my best to help them at work or in my life. There are days that I don't want to get out of bed, some mornings I don't. I try to remind myself that some days will be better than others. And some are.

However, multiple Sclerosis unfortunately affects my life.

But I also do my best to make it so YOU don't know it affects every part of my life.

I live life the best I can, no matter what.